Many people have asked what this means, exactly: Finding Color in a Black and White World. Well, here are my thoughts:
The mind of a person with autism might appear to be black and white at first glance. Our intention, however, is to provide the opportunity for William to successfully navigate through "our" world, with the ultimate hope that he can invite us into the utterly amazing and truly colorful world in which HE lives.
My perspective has changed quite a bit over the past couple of years. I wanted so desperately to change the situation. I had to deal with the raw feelings I was having: despair, grief, guilt, hopelessness, and anger...not to mention exhaustion. A person can find those same emotions with the loss or illness of a loved one. In my world, this is exactly what we were dealing with: the loss of who I imagined William Theodore Fowler to someday be, and the illness of his diagnosis: AUTISM, which needed to be "cured".
Oh how that has changed! I'm still exhausted, but I'm VERY SLOWLY beginning to see all that God has given us in this precious boy. He has changed my heart forever. He has shown me that love is so much more than I understood it to be. I have kicked holes in walls, cried my eyes out, written letters of "concern" to an obsessive count, and even attempted William's headbanging techniques...all to no avail. To some of you this is no surprise...but do you know what is working? PRAYER. God is answering my prayers. I have been praying for MY HEART TO CHANGE.
No, William is not "cured". But do we really want him to be "cured", per say? What is so "wrong" with him, anyway? He's a quirky little dude with really funny language, and an obsession toward nudity. He certainly has difficulty with loud noise, pretend play, conversations, balance, getting lost, well...yes, there are loads of "issues". But, he sure does love me! And wow, I do love that kid!
He has successfully stolen my heart, and let me tell you, I SEE COLOR...in this Black and White World:-)
3 comments:
Aww. Very sweet post. Keep up the good work. And give William a kiss from me ;)
Aunt Sheila
Nickie... In the midst of my so called busy life .. I actually took a moment to read the entire plea that the young girl whose parents own the java company, sent in regards to her fundraiser for william... What a special girl to do something like that.. very moving... From her letter I then clicked on williams site.. here where I found these blurbs from you an john... WOW what a great way to describe your life with your god given child william... I don't even have words to to describe my different feelings... All I can say is... keep on doing what you are doing... PRAYING.. Your prayers will be answered.. In ways you may not expect.. You rock Nickie and John and I will do things differently today because of what you have shared with me in these writings... Sara D.
I love you and your family. You and John are doing a WONDERFUL job. I am honored to be considered a friend of the Fowler family.. regardless how distant! :) We miss seeing Will's beautiful little smile. Hope you and the family are doing well. We're off to buy some *Java*.... :)
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